The Audit Trail

[Intro – Minimal beat, dry as toast]

Yeah, alright.
Let’s see what the f— the log says then.
I didn’t click that.
I don’t even like PDFs.
[Verse 1 – Rambling talk-through with venom]

I came in late, big deal, I was tired.
Said hello to Cheryl, she’s wired.
Logged in, same as always.
Didn’t touch nuffin’.
Payroll opened itself, did it?
Oh right, yeah — magic mouse, was it?

You think I’ve got time
To nick a payslip?
I can’t even finish my f—in’ lunch
Without someone sendin’ a phishing link
Pretendin’ to be Finance Dave
With a dodgy Outlook signature
That says "Cheers, lad" like a scammer on break.
[Verse 2 – Getting louder, more chaotic]

"You shared the file!" — no I didn’t.
Steve borrowed my chair, had a spin in it.
Maybe he clicked it. Maybe the floor did.
I’ve seen weirder things on this Wi-Fi, mate.

I don’t even know
What a VPN is —
Is that the one where it blocks the footie?

Nah, all I did
Was open Chrome,
Search "printer error,"
Got hit with drones.
[Break – Log speaks, glitch effect]

    User: Jason.Williams
    Action: Clicked “Payroll_Data_FINAL_final2.xlsx”
    Timestamp: 09:07
    Location: Public Wi-Fi, Costa Coffee
    Status: Denied.

[Verse 3 – Full meltdown]

You what?!
That file was already open!
I just minimised it!
It hovered!
Why’s it always me, eh?

Audit trail says it all, yeah?
Well the audit trail can do one —
Did it log how Karen left her USB
Stickin’ out the laptop
Like a red light district invitation?
[Verse 4 – Quiet, angry mutter to self]

Every mistake,
Pinned on me.
I’m not the breach —
I’m just Jason, see?

I do me job,
I check me mail,
I update the f—in’ firewall
When Outlook tells me to.
[Outro – Echoing glitch voice, log reply]

Audit trail active.
Truth does not require belief.
Click. Logged. Forwarded.
Denied.