Damage Control Skit

[Sound: Dial tone → Ringing → Click]

[Voice – Out of breath, strained calm]

Hi, uh... Hi Carol.  
Quick... quick question.  
Hypothetically speaking —  
If someone... were to throttle  
An employee...  
For disabling two-factor authentication  
During a live ransomware breach...

[Pause – long sigh]

...what sort of paperwork would that involve?

[Beat – phone crackles]

No, no he’s fine.  
He’s... still breathing.  
I think.

[Voice gets quieter]

I mean, he used “admin123”  
And printed the recovery codes...  
On the communal fridge.

[Beat]

Yes. I know violence isn’t the answer.  
But it was  
a very  
understandable  
reaction.

[Pause]

No, I haven’t spoken to legal yet.  
They’re still recovering from  
last week’s USB incident.

[Beat – tired laugh]

Okay, I’ll hold.

[Sound: faint hold music – distorted classical music]

[Outro – fading voice]
...he even said “it’s just a setting”...
...Carol I swear, if he says “vibes” again...